Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
