You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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