So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
