Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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