Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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