he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
