The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
