Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
