All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
