Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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