how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
