ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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