i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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