He asked me if I "almost moaned"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
