Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
