We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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