More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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