i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my poor anus
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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