Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
