and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
