More tranny stories later!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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