I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
