she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
