Who did Billy Mays play for?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
