Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
