you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
