In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
