Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
