i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
