it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
