i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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