if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Couch. On fire.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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