Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
