All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
