You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
