exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
People in love make me want to vomit
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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