I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
