FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
