i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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