Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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