Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
