So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
