You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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