am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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