I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
