the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
