i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
