Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
