I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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