I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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