I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
