the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
