3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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