At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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